The Jane Austen Book Club

I just finished watching The Jane Austen Book Club on HBO, obviously I'm in love with movies as my previous post was thought about while watching Punch Drunk Love. I especially like the story between Jocelyn and Grigg. They were both afraid to show how they feel. Jocelyn was acting as a matchmaker between Sylvia and Grigg, but ends up loving him instead but denies it because she thinks he likes someone else. Grigg likes/loves Jocelyn but according to his sister was very considerate, considerate enough not to make the first move. How can love be discovered when both are afraid? Luckily for Jocelyn Grigg's sister stepped in. Jocelyn went for it because she was sure she wouldn't be rejected. But what if the sister didn't step in? I wonder if Jocelyn will make the first move or if Grigg would?

I wish I could write a story of my own where the girl would tell the guy how she feels no matter how unsure of how he feels about her.... I wish I could just have wrote about it than did it, because I did and didn't get any response. I was like Jocelyn and my Grigg was in love with soneone else who was very far away. I took my chances but still blew it. I do not regret...

Now Spiderman 3 is showing on HBO... This movie reminds me of him again. He looks like him. Toby, my Toby. I wish I could be your Mary Jane. "They say falling in love is wonderful, wonderful..." whoever said it I would not need to know. It is one sided. It is only wonderful when you're inlove with each other...

I'm alone. People would hear me say I'm happy. Truthfully, I am, but I could be happier...

When would that be? I leave it to my Father's hands...

Remembering the Boy...

I was watching Eat Bulaga then switched to a cable channel, probably HBO, when commercial set in. I saw Adam Sandler. Punch Drunk Love, I was guessing. I saw the girl and him walking together, silently, just glancing at each other. Then I remembered the boy, the boy whom i loved and loving all this time. I remember him calling me from a distance. Running towards me, walking beside me. We were quiet, quieter than ever. He was glancing at me. He talked a little, so did I. I could talk much louder but it is as if my voice doesn't want to get out. This moment happened twice. I never learned to be calm. All I knew that he was beside me, glancing at me, talking to me. And me? I was praying, keeping my mouth shut, afraid to say anything wrong, something which might turn him away.

I remember the boy. The boy who I never knew how he felt about me.

Let's Start

It was a long day today. It had been like these for a long time now. I'd like to write more, but where do I start? I guess I'd start with what I'm feeling right now......



I'm tired...



I'm tired of almost everything...

but I have got to move on.

For the longest time I have been like this,

trying to find out what am I for, who I am for,

where should I go, what must I do...



I crave for freedom.

I guess that is what I need...

But how can I attain it?

when everyone in my family serves as the anchor

which keeps me tied in here...



I got none of my own.

What I have is my family's too.

I am not selfish.

But I feel obligated to carry

everything on my shoulder

because I am the one who can provide.

just my thoughts, my feelings...

I'm getting tired.

I guess I need to take some rest now...